It’s possible, not only possible, but it’s God’s will for those that are married that both of you live happily ever after.

Marriage is not a death sentence or a prison term.

My dad and my mom did not get along. I never remember seeing my mom and dad kiss once. I never saw my mom and dad sleep in the same bedroom. My dad called my mom dragon lady. My mom call my dad the buffoon. And I said when you speak about my father, to my mom, I said, when you speak about my father, you call him my father and I said to my dad, when you speak about my mother, you call her my mother, but I don’t want to hear you insult or slander my mom or my dad.

The bible is God’s instruction book. It instructs us through life, it instructs for every experience of life. When I got married, I was afraid, I did not have an instruction manual.

I had a horrible example of marriage. My mom and dad divorced. My mom and dad were divorced. My sister divorced. My mom’s sister and brother divorced. My dad’s brother divorced. And so I didn’t know what to do.

I got real spiritual when I got married. Often for hours at a time, I would literally lock myself in a closet. When we got married, we had a room we didn’t use at all. It was empty. And in that room was a closet. And in that closet I put in a piece of countertop so I could sit there and read my bible. And there was a pull chain light, and I had one of those old tube chairs with the vinyl gold slippery covering. I would sit on that chair, at that counter, and read for hours. I’d beg God to help me because I needed to be the right husband. And I would pray at that chair – I mean literally, hours.

Remember when you dated, you first courted your wife? You had a twinkle in your eye. Love was easy. Listen, now, very closely: love was easy for you in the beginning.

Something changed. It wasn’t love. Your best excuse is they changed. Thank God we have a God that taught us how to love no matter how someone treats us. Thank God we have a God that loves us in spite of what we do or what we are.

If love is not active, it moves backwards. So you have to see it as a berm. It’s what you do. By the time that you realize that you haven’t made the choice to love your spouse the way you should, your relationship goes cold. And once it grows cold – he even says it here: Solomon says, verse six, “The coal thereof,” talking about the relationship between a man and woman, he says there’s coal, there’s a fuel to it. In fact it’s a vehement, intense flame.

Verse seven: water can’t quench it. Blood can’t quench it.

A man would give everything for love and it wouldn’t be enough. You can’t put a price on it. And if you stop feeding the fire of love – he uses the word verse six cold – if you stop feeding the fire of love, your relationship will die. Because it’s all based on love. It’s not based on money.

I was on my way to the eighth grade when my parents sat me down and said, “By the way, your father and I don’t get along. We’re divorcing. We’re leaving each other. We’re getting a divorce.” I talked to my dad and said, “Why? Why now?” He said, “Well, we waited for you kids.”

Our love, verse six, should be a flaming love. He uses the word vehement. There’s no reason that it should settle or calm or smolder the longer we’re married.

In marriage, there has to be a seal.

He uses it verse six, “Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm.” It has to be a seal. That’s hard for us as couples.

Seal means an identity, a possession. When you enter into a contract or pay for something by check, you sign your name. On that check you have to sign your name, if you want to cash it, you have to sign your name. If you enter into a contract or a mortgage or a loan, you’d sign your name.

In bible times, it wasn’t a signature. It was done with a seal. Luke chapter 15 and verse 22, when the prodigal son came home the dad said, “Bring forth the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his hand.” That was the seal. That was something that would give him the ability to possess whatever he wanted. They would use wax for a stamp or a seal, and that seal said that that belonged to that person. You had that person’s word. It was identified or possessed by that person.

The seal of love means that you belong to each other. It means that there should be no other human on Earth who is closer to you than your spouse. No other person should possess more of your emotions or your energy or your time or your talk than your mate. Your wife needs to know that she’s more important to you than your job or any hobby.

Verse 60 uses a word, jealousy. He said jealousy is a cruel as the grave. We need to be jealous for our marriages, meaning that we don’t let anything or anyone have more of our emotional attention than our spouse. Do you know it’s possible to be emotionally unfaithful to your mate? When you treat someone else better than you treat your mate, you’re unfaithful to your mate.

He says the seal, “Set me as a seal upon thy heart.” Yes, he said, “as a seal upon thine arm.” That speaks of strength. That speaks of fighting not in your marriage but for your marriage. Because there is an enemy trying to destroy your marriages. And I wish us guys would get mad about our marriages, mad enough to do better and be better, love our wives more. I wish we guys would become warriors who fight for our marriages.

There has to be a shift. It has to be a possession. That ring on your finger is a seal. It’s not just fancy jewelry, it’s a seal that you belong to that person. Remember that? “With this ring.” You didn’t give her a necklace, you gave her a ring. You didn’t give her a shotgun, you gave her a ring. That’s the seal of your love.

Have you seen couples, they look like they don’t belong to each other? You know what I like to see? When it’s possible, for a wife sitting next to her husband when they drive. Now you can’t do it, because there’s junk in the way. But she wanted to sit next to him. She wants to be the seal on his heart. That’s what we need.

Love is permanent

Married love is permanent. It’s not temporary. Affection rises and falls, but love is permanent because it’s a choice you make.

Verse six, notice: he says, “Love is strong as death.” You know, when death gets you, it’s final. You can’t change it. It’s over. He says love is that permanent, love is as permanent as death.

He said, verse six, “It is… Love is strong as death. Jealousy is as cruel as the grave.” Grave there is the word for hell. That’s interesting, because hell is forever. And love is forever. Because hell is forever, married love is forever. It’s a fire that never goes out, and only the fire of God like the fire that fell on Mount Carmel when Elijah prayed it down from heaven, only that fire is from God, and God has made a commitment to you and to me, and we are to make a commitment to our spouse that is as strong as the commitment that God has made to us. And if your love isn’t as strong as God’s, that’s the opposite of what God wants and you need to do something about it.

Love is patient.

Verse seven, notice he uses the word “quench.” “Many waters cannot quench it.” Well, nothing can put it out.

Let’s face it, men: a lot of our wives put up with us. We want them to be in love with us, but there’s a lot of baggage and junk and trash. And let me say to you tonight – I want you to think about it – in a Christian marriage, the fire should never go out. It may smolder. You may move away from the fire, but it never goes out.

Someone says they’ve fallen out of love. That’s just a plain refusal to choose the love. We can do anything we choose to do in the power of Christ. You fall out of a window, you can fall out of a chair, you can fall out of a plane, but you don’t fall out of love. You choose not to love. You don’t fall in and out of love.

Your wife wants you to say kind things to her. You know how guys talk to each other. We talk to each other, you know, “Hey, Chuck.” We can say, “Hey, ugly.” “Hey, loser.” And then we’ll smack each other, punch each other in the arm and say, “How are you doing, you loser?”

Women don’t talk like that to each other. They don’t say, “Nice to see you, blubber-hips.” They don’t say, “Wow, you’re uglier than you were the last time I saw you.” They don’t talk like that. And you can’t talk to your wife like you talk to your buddies.

I’m not trying to be out of bounds, but I think this needs to be said, so let me say it. Wives have sex so they can romance. Husbands have romance so they can have sex. It’s true. Women are into making the trip. They love looking out the window, ooh-ing and aah-ing.

I sum it up this way: men are microwaves, women are crockpots. Some of the best food I’ve ever had is in a crockpot. A microwave, it can’t do much. It heats it up, that’s it.

Malachi, the second chapter, verse 16 says, “For the Lord, the God of Israel saith that he hateth putting away.” That’s divorce. For one, the trouble is violence.

Listen to what he says. “The one covereth violence with his garment” said the Lord of hosts, “Therefore take heed of your spirit that you deal not treacherously.”

In studying the custom of Jewish weddings, you’ll find that they didn’t exchange rings. The groom would take his coat, and he would cover the woman’s shoulders. It was the symbol of her being under his protection. And that means you protect her from anything, everything, and anyone all the time.

Men, we’re to protect our wives verbally, emotionally, and physically. Love patiently.

Love is valuable

Verse seven, he says “If a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.” No price tag can be put on the love between a husband and wife.

Honestly, seriously now, think: What if someone offered you $50 to divorce your spouse? You’d laugh. What if someone offered you $60 billion? Bible love doesn’t put a price on love. It can’t be reduced to a dollar amount. Some of you had to think a minute. Love isn’t about money.

Verses 8, 9, and 10 says “We have a little sister and she has no breasts. What shall we do for our sister on the day when she shall be spoken for? If she be a wall, we will build upon her a palace of silver. If she be a wall we will build upon her a palace of silver. And if she be a door, we will enclose her with gourds of cedar.”

Cedar was available everywhere. Readily available.

Verse 10 – “I am a wall, my breast like powers, then was I in his eyes as one that found faith.”

Of course verses 8, 9, and 10 are speaking of the preparation for marriage, and the wall there I take to mean purity.

Those of your not married yet, you young people, the most precious thing that you give to your mate is your purity. We used to call it virginity. Purity. And it’s so descriptive there, Solomon with the inspiration of God says, “If she be a wall…” That means nobody gets in. He said, “If she be a wall when she gets married, we’ll build her a palace of silver.” The reward of purity. He writes she’d be a door, if she’s open to anyone. We’ll board her up, with wood.

In Europe they started a custom that we use, partially:

When a married couple was married and came to their home, the man picks his wife up and carried her across the threshold. Listen to this, this is fascinating. So we tell the new groom to pick his bride up, when he got home, and carry her across the threshold.

But this custom, starting in Europe, what they would do in their home is they would build a special door. When they bought a home to live in as a newlywed couple, or built a house and that door was built so that he could carry her across that threshold, into their home. It wasn’t a front door, it wasn’t a main door, and it was a special door. And after he carried her through that door, they shut that door and locked it, and never opened it, until one of them dies. And when one of them dies, they unlock that door, and they carry the dead body of their spouse out that door. And the whole time they lived in that house, that door was a constant reminder that they were together, “Until death do us part.”

I’ll tell you what, the only excuse you have is that you’re not trying hard enough. The only excuse God will permit, on your part, (not talking about anyone else’s part here), but on your part, keep your word to GOD. Keep your word to each other. For better, we get deaf when the preacher says worse. We hear “better” we perk up. We hear worse and we think “Oh no.” We hear richer, we say “YAH!” Poorer, we don’t hear. We hear health, we don’t hear sickness. But it’s absolutely true, is it not? There are six words in marriage, not three. For better, or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.

Choose to love each other, no matter what comes. That’s the kind of marriage that God can bless.

It’s a seal, a seal of identity, a seal of possession. He says, in Songs of Solomon 8 verse 6 “Set me as a seal upon thine heart.” You belong to each other, act like it. Live like it. Laugh together.

Wouldn’t you love to live happily ever after? Have pet names for each other, rather than Dragon Lady and Buffoon? Wouldn’t it be good if you truly LOVED each other?

So, stick it out, stick together, and make it work.

This entry was posted on Monday, February 22nd, 2010 at 1:46 pm and is filed under Prayer Requests. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.